Unexpected Changes

This year has to be one of the strangest for me regarding friendships and loved ones.  Every time I think, "Well that's one more friend gone that I didn't really need anyway," I experience something even more bizarre.

It started with a huge fall out with my sister and things slowly rolled downhill from there.  I am learning the hard way that I cannot control what others think about me or even what others are saying about me.  If someone in my life decides to be dishonest with our family and friends because they fear being looked down upon for the facts, again, this is something I cannot control.  The way I know who is a genuine friend or loved one is if they come to me for the truth.  Unfortunately, I have discovered that many have not.  They prefer to be swept up in the untruths and drama of another person.  So what I am left to do is move on - move forward from the entire ordeal.

The next thing that caught me off guard was someone I have known since high school, whom I thought was a "best" friend, whatever that means anymore.  We'd been on several trips together, never particularly argued or disagreed about much, had tons in common yet lived different lives, and I really thought it was a friendship that would last.  I was blessed with winning a trip to Las Vegas, NV, for a musical festival last year so I asked this friend to go with me, thinking she'd be the perfect partner in crime - and my crime I mean, someone who'd pass out at 10:00PM in Las Vegas instead of partying the night away at the local clubs.  The last day of our trip we were hanging out in our room talking until we were to go get our massages at the hotel spa.  I told her about an incident that had occurred a couple of years before that followed the demise of my relationship with my sister.  She was thoroughly offended by something that someone else had said and we ended up in a huge argument.  I tried to convince her to agree to disagree but she kept pushing and insisting that myself and the other person we wrong in our thinking.  She just wouldn't give up.  Finally, after some silence, she finally agreed to let it go.  Clearly, she wasn't being honest with me (or herself) because shortly after we returned from the trip I could feel her pulling away.  She never even tried to discuss it with me.  A couple of months later it was my birthday and she "couldn't" make it for my brunch.  She and her husband sold their home and moved a few towns over and I've never heard from her again.

Onto incident number three.  Out of the blue I received a text message from a friend I hadn't seen in years.  He was a guitar player & keyboardist in a band I used to do publicity for and manage.  We were extremely close at one point, even having lived together (the whole band) for several months in Austin, TX.  When the text came through, I was surprised to see that he was in town on tour with another singer and he invited me to the show that evening.  I saw that of course I would love to see him after all these years and asked if I would get to spend some time with him as well.  He told me that we'd see each other but that it had to be "our secret" because he had a very jealous girlfriend who would never approve.  I've never understood people allowing someone else to dictate what they can do in their life but to ask me to participate in your dishonesty?  To me, that is NOT acceptable.  I don't want to be a part of someone else's cover up.

Needless to say, I saw the show and met up with him as soon as it was over.  He told security that I was family, allowed to be there, and brought us back stage to introduce us to the rest of the band.  We spent a couple of hours with him, walking to the hotel bar and having a drink, chatting and taking some photos.  We then said our goodbyes, knowing I probably wouldn't being seeing him again.

The next morning I e-mailed him all the photos I had taken of him at the show and two videos so he would have these wonderful memories of himself on tour with a Latin pop star.  He immediately called me and told me not to post them onto my Facebook page.  I thought that was strange.  I told him I'd post them but I wouldn't tag him to which he freaked out saying that eventually his girlfriend would find out.  Here we go again.... I just can't grasp dishonesty and then trying to remember all the lies you've told or the truths you've withheld and from which people.  Truth is always the best policy. I gave in, agreeing to not post anything.  How disappointing to have your hands tied by someone who is supposed to be your friend because they can't be honest in their own life!  Worse yet is that there's NOTHING to hide in this situation!

Today I sit here, having experienced so much loss in my life yet also knowing that those I'm close to, those few people I can truly call friends or family, are the most special people who have given me so much support.  I am blessed to the moon and beyond!

I'm in the process of planning a move to the other side of the country with my parents.  I can't wait to have a fresh start in a place where I know there are people like me.