2010: New Year, New Me

I'm back!!! It's been a while since I've written on my blog but the time has arrived.

A new year with new energy. I've welcomed the new year and the new decade with open arms. Last year was one of the most challenging years I've ever faced but I made it through by the grace of God and with a sense of humor. I survived! That's a major feat in and of itself.

Going into 2009, I knew big changes lie ahead as I sensed a shift taking place inside my heart.  I was beginning to question past decisions, the people I'd chosen to surround myself with, my ability to judge character clearly, why I was living in a city (Los Angeles) that represents fame, excess and lack of morals, where my life was headed and how on earth I was going to climb out of the rut I found myself in. I had no idea where or how to even begin.

I slowly but surely distanced myself from the toxicity of my so-called friends. Some were friends I'd known since college and others that were newbies, but all were not people who, if I had kids, I would want my kids to hang out with. Don't get me wrong, there were many happy times and great lessons I learned from my "friends" but when you cease to grow and the people around you are engaging in negative behaviors that become harmful to your own pysche, it means it's time to move on. I don't know why it took so long for me to awaken the common sense I'd apparently lost. I'm just glad it happened.

Part of it was having reconnected with my b.f.f. from college. We had gone through a difficult time following graduation and parted ways (not on good terms) due to our inability to deal with our inner demons, admit our own faults and get help. But my b.f.f. contacted me via LinkedIn in Summer of 2008. I waited three whole days to respond. I took the time to absorb her words and be certain that I had no ulterior motive in responding. From the moment we started writing, we easily fell back into our old, fun-filled friendship. We both took responsibility for our past actions and expressed how much growth we'd experienced. As time passed and our relationship grew stronger, I began to feel like me again. I realized that I didn't like this LA party-girl I had become. WOW. I admitted it. I wasn't happy with me anymore. I'd lost direction, gained weight, allowed people in my life who wanted to make themselves feel better by listing my faults for me and telling me how I needed to change, and I'd cut ties with the actual people who'd awakened a passion in me over the years because damnit, I allowed a "friend" to convince me that these people were unhealthy for me. Since when do I not think for myself? This isn't me.

I was ready to move back to the Bay Area to be close to my family again. My mother had been going through some major health issues and needed some assistance so that was another push in the direction of a move. I'd mulled the idea over for the last few months, especially since I'd come to understand that most of the people I had chosen to spend my time with on a regular basis didn't really care for or about me. The decision was made. I just had to tell my "friends." And so I did. I can honestly say that I felt a lack of support. Some "friends" said things in an attempt to make me feel as though I'd failed. I'd lived in LA from June of 2006 to Feb. 27 2009, just shy of three years. My "best friend" would insist I'd only lived there two years as if to say that I couldn't hack it. Well, guess what? I couldn't and I didn't want to. What sane person wants to continue in an environment where people can't be real, where they put up a facade, pretending to be something or someone they are not by living outside their means? Why would I want to continue living in a place where my "friends" were abusing narcotics by taking them recreationally and passing them out to their friends and even selling them for profit? Why would I want to continually subject myself to "friends" who blatantly talk about their "friends" behind their backs? If they're doing it to them, chances are they're doing it to me too! I was more ready than ever to say goodbye. By the way, I'm not saying that everyone in LA fits the above description. I just happened to surround myself with that very type.

For my 34th birthday, I planned a trip to New York City with my "best friend" as a last hurrah. It was my first time back in NY since I was 6 years old. I was born in New York. My family lived on Long Island. My parents were born in Queens and Mom was raised in Brooklyn. I came from a true New York Italian family who never minced words and always spoke their minds. I had such strong character. If I didn't like you, you knew it. I never held back. This was a quality for which my "best friend" condemned me on a regular basis. But the moment I arrived in NYC, I felt as if I was home. I don't mean the kind of home you live in. In NYC, I felt 100% that I belonged. It was a deep knowing, truly understanding where I came from and finally feeling at peace. This was one more sign to me that I was definitely on the right path of getting back to me. To read more about my NYC experience see the blog entitled, "My First Time in NYC" at http://musicgirlonamission.blogspot.com/2009/04/my-first-time-in-nyc.html.

Upon my return from NYC, I began to go through my things, figuring out what I could throw out or donate, and what really needed to move with me. Not only had I been doing a moral inventory but now I was doing a material one as well. My uncle was renting a U-Haul trailer to load all my stuff into and drive up to Northern California. I'd be moving back into my parents' house (Dear God, please help me). Truth be told, I wasn't looking forward to living with my parents again but I didn't have much of a choice since I'd have no job, a small savings account, and little to show for myself. But I did feel blessed and grateful for the fact that I have parents who were willing to give me their support to help me get back on my feet.  I quit both of my part time jobs, packed up and shipped out without looking back.

It's not to say that moving back was the easiest thing I ever did but it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. But so was moving to LA. It stripped me down to the bare bones; coming back built my character back up. I'm stronger than I've ever been. Again I was faced with major decisions that would either move me in the direction of growth or would keep me stuck in the same useless place I'd found myself in for some time.

As soon as I moved back I began looking for a job (unfortunately, this tedious task still remains on my daily to-do list). I got myself into a routine of running three miles a day at least three to four days a week which eventually turned into six to seven days a week. Rarely a day passes that I don't work out. I feel like a schlump if I don't. In 2007, life came to a total standstill following the break up of my year and a half long relationship. Because I was acting out by regularly drinking with friends and consuming unhealthy foods, I found myself lying on my couch for 10 days straight from a nausea I'd never experienced before. Following several trips to urgent care, I was diagnosed with acid reflux and put on medication. Eventually, with the meds, I got the illness under control but moving back to the place where I grew up and starting life all over again, it was my goal to get off the meds (I've never believed in putting foreign substances into my body unless absolutely necessary, especially for things that can be controlled with diet and a change in lifestyle). I knew I had to get my health in tip top shape. That's exactly what I did. Along with the shift in my exercise regime, I did a 180 degree turn with my eating habits and soon stopped the medication. My acid reflux was gone and I lost 20 lbs. I was a whole new person! Not really, but physically, I felt like I was back in my 20s.

During this already challenging time, I was running my mother around from doctor to doctor, to emergency rooms and urgent cares. She was in and out of hospitals for surgeries, treatment, and physical therapy. We thought the worst was over until she began crying of excruciating pain. This went on for months. It wasn't until a few months ago that doctors finally discovered the true source of my mother's pain. She was operated on two more times and is now on her way to a full recovery.

As this was all happening, my "best friend" was sending me aggressive e-mails accusing me of being a bad friend and of not making time for her. Funny because I seem to remember trying to talk to her and being told that I needed to be "scheduled into her calendar" because she was so busy. After many failed attempts at communication (I tried my best to maintain some connection so as not to throw a friendship completely by the wayside), I decided to put some distance between us but she called me on it over and over again. I just didn't want it to become a battle. I didn't want to run down a laundry list of items or reasons that it was no longer healthy for us to be close. Maybe that was the coward's way out but I didn't want to be judgmental. I just wanted to do what was best for me. But she couldn't understand my need for separation. Nor was she happy with the fact that I removed several of her friends from my Facebook page (they were her friends, after all). She told me that she couldn't maintain a relationship with me if I couldn't be friends with her friends. What kind of friend is that? I could see the demands flying. Too many expectations here. I could smell the end of this friendship coming from miles away.

Early in 2009, I began a long-distance relationship with a good friend that ended almost as quickly as it began. We had met through work and had been friends for several years. He was significantly younger than me but he appeared to be mature. He had strong morals, came from a close-knit family and we seemed to want many of the same things. I really believed the relationship would work but discovered that he wasn't quite the great communicator that I thought he was. So I ended it after a few attempts at making things right. Besides the years of friendship we shared, there are some positives that I can take from the short-lived relationship for which I am grateful. The first is that I recognized early on that this wouldn't work and I took the necessary steps in order to let go rather than dragging out the inevitable.  The second plus about this relationship is that it awakened something in me that I hadn't felt for a long time. I've spent the last decade determined that I didn't want to marry or have children but something about this man opened my heart to the idea that maybe those things are possible in my future. That's a huge step for me. And it feels good to admit it. So thank you to this special man for breaking me wide open.

Toward the latter half of the year I traveled to Raleigh, North Carolina to visit my b.f.f. and her family. I call this my "healing period." My "Eat, Pray, Love" moment, if you will. I was so wound up from months of no sleep and pure emotional exhaustion. It took me the entire six days to wind down. On day one, I remember driving through the back streets with my b.f.f. behind the wheel and crying. I don't mean just crying. I was bawling. Here was months of pain erupting from within. I was embarrassed but also knew that this woman sitting next to me understood me and knew that I was grieving and letting go. She and her husband helped me spiritually to find my center again. The word gratitude cannot explain how much I appreciated that they opened their home to me, gave me so much love (along with their children) and helped me see more than just myself. It was also during this trip that I responded to the latest accusatory e-mail that I had received three weeks prior from the "best friend." I was ready to say my final goodbye and let go of all the drama that had slowly worked its way into my life.

Since returning from Raleigh, life has been much calmer. Yes, there have been bumps in the road along the way but I am handling them with much more grace. I had the sheer pleasure of spending the last few weeks of 2009 with the family I love so much and friends that I adore. It gave me renewed hope for 2010, a year that I'm certain will be filled with plenty of smiles and a lot of faith that was so difficult to find in '09.

2010... I welcome you with open arms. I love you already.

Songs for the Fall of an Empire

A must see: Promotional short film featuring the music from Ignacio Peña's Digital 45 release "Songs for the Fall of an Empire"

Watch it and think.

My thoughts on Michael Jackson final rehearsal

No matter what you might have to say about MJJ's character (we will never know the truth but speculation does not make a person guilty), he was the single most talented person of our generation. MJJ was a lost soul who never got a fair shake because of his personal choices, however unwise they were. Totally misunderstood. A friend of a friend said, "No childhood and now no old age." Bummer that he's gone and we'll never get the opportunity to see his dream of this tour come into fruition.

Dear Potential Employer

Dear Potential Employer:

Since relocating back to the Bay Area four months ago, I have been actively searching for employment but have been unsuccessful in finding a job. I have applied for hundreds of jobs based on postings for open positions or submitting my resume to the human resources e-mail address listed on your website. I have even submitted my resume via employee referrals, but yet again I’ve been ignored.

You think that just because the economy is down, the unemployment rate is high and thousands of candidates are applying for the same job at your company that you have the right to be rude and disrespectful by not acknowledging that I’ve applied for an opening in your organization or that you ever even received said application. Worse yet is that you’re not even willing to pay me what I’m worth! You’re too busy giving the upper echelon a six-figure income to even notice that the salary you are offering me isn’t one I can survive on. That’s poverty-level in this geographical area considering the high cost of living. Most times companies don’t list the salary range hoping that a candidate will submit their resume anyway. When they do post a salary for any given position, it’s a joke. I mean, $12 an hour for an administrative position? Are you kidding me??? Where do you suggest I live in the Bay Area at $12 an hour? One cannot even live in a one-bedroom apartment in San Jose on that salary!  Why, Mr. Big Shot Corporation, are you being so cheap?

As an experienced administrative assistant, I keep the wheels well-oiled in order to keep the organization going. The big wigs need me in order to enter information into the computer. They need me to compose a letter for them because either they can’t type faster than a hunt and peck or they don’t know how to use basic computer software systems. How is this possible in Silicon Valley? We created the high-tech industry. I do the support work that makes your job easier. I manage your calendar, I book your travel and I prepare your correspondence. I make sure you have reservations or lunch delivered for meetings, I answer your phone and take messages and I help you prepare for presentations. I help you run your life and make sure there is balance between work and home, many times at the sacrifice of my own family. I do everything for you just short of wiping your rear end.

The other day when I was speaking to a representative at EDD to discuss whether or not I would qualify for unemployment benefits, the incompetent woman told me that when she had contacted a friend of mine “she hunged up on me.” Why is it that these people can’t put together a basic sentence in the English language yet they can work for the State of California and make major decisions regarding my future benefits? Not to mention, they make pretty decent money! As noted on the EDD career site (http://www.edd.ca.gov), an Unemployment Program Representative makes somewhere between $2817 - $4256 per month. I’ve applied for this position but guess what? I’ve never been contacted and I believe I’m more than qualified. I speak English, I have a college degree (that I was told would move me ahead in the employee job pool but has done nothing for me), I know how to use a computer, I have customer service training and I know how to deal with people. What gives?

Signed,

Unemployed and Sick of It

Great Weekend and Happy Monday

Hope you had a great weekend. Mine was packed with things to do. Friday night I went with my old college buddy Cathy to see the Vinyl Trees (Mark Smith, former SJ Shark) at a dive bar, BLVD Tavern in Los Gatos. What an eclectic group of people! The band was better than I expected considering the music on the guys' myspace page doesn't show off their abilities as artists. They are a 3-piece band but added electric guitar at the show which really was a bonus. This was a pleasant surprise. Saturday morning, after barely sleeping, I was up and at 'em early to watch my niece's final soccer game of the season in S. San Jose. It was overcast and cool so I had no idea I'd get burned. Not the brightest move to no wear sunblock. The game was good - they tied. The ref let them teams do a battle of kicks at the end and her team kicked butt. Saturday evening a friend from the Radio, TV & Film department at SJSU drove back up north (another Los Angeleno officially moves back to the Bay Area). We met for drinks following dinner and drinks with my former professor. Lots of laughter. Up and at 'em early again on Sunday morning. I went to my sister's house for our final attempt at making some money off our old things at a yard sale. It was a total bust! Hint: Sundays are not the day for a yard sale. I made $2.50 for 5 hours of my time. Not exactly worth it. In the end, all my old items went to a good cause. We dropped off two carloads worth of stuff to the American Cancer Society so at least something good came out of it. Sure feels good to be rid of all the boxes. :) Monday morning and back to looking for jobs. Ahh, life's good.

E-mail/Cell phone Etiquette - Where has it gone?

E-mail/Cell phone/Facebook etiquette - Where has it gone? Or should the question be, "Did we ever have it?"

On a daily basis I am reminded of how inconsiderate (or shall I say "ignorant"?) people can be since technology took over our lives: I'm driving down the road and get cut off by a man who doesn't even notice that I'm there because he's too busy chatting on his cell phone. I thought this became illegal in California last year but what do I know? Ever heard of using an ear piece? 

I'm sitting in a restaurant having lunch with a friend and I can't hear myself speak because the gal at the next table is chatting on her phone as if the person on the other end of the line is on the other side of the planet. Or worse, my friend's cell phone rings and he rudely picks it up mid-conversation with no regard for our time together. By answering his phone he's telling me that his phone call is more important than my time.

I call my friend on her cell phone but in the middle of ringing it goes to voicemail. Does she think I don't know that she "denied" me? Or does she not care that I know she denied me? At least have the decency to silence the phone and let it continue to ring as usual so I don't know you're blatantly ignoring my call.

I'm exhausted beyond belief and fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. At midnight my cell phone beeps, alerting me to a text message. It beeps again. I'm getting drunk texted (there's was a time when “drunk dialing” was the in thing) by people whose moods are so altered by the intoxication of alcohol that they don't care if I live a normal life and have to get up at 7:00 am. When did drunk texting become so popular anyway?

It's 6:00 am and I don't need to be up until 7:15. My dear friend insomnia visited me last night (and the night before and the night before that) so I am dead tired. My cell phone sings that familiar sound to alert me to a text message. But wait, here come four more. A friend decides that he needs to send out a 5 page text message that I believe should have come in the form of an e-mail (so it doesn't wake the sleeping dead). For those that are going to tell me to turn my cell phone off at night - I use my cell as my alarm clock. Besides, why should I have to turn it off?

E-mail etiquette is almost as bad. I e-mailed an old friend who happens to be a recruiter to ask him to keep an eye out for a position that might match my qualifications. He never acknowledges that he received it. Could he not write back and say, "Sorry, I have no positions that match your skill set but I'll keep an eye out for you" or "I'd love to help but I'm just not in a position to do so"? Something. Anything would have been nice. Nope, nothing. I write a work-related e-mail that actually requires a response but hear nothing back from the recipient. When did it become OK to ignore people in business?

Forwards/Spam are annoying. Most people don't like their inbox filled with junk mail. Unless it's super funny or important, don't forward crap. I rarely send out forwards but when I do they are targeted only toward the people whom I know will enjoy them, not to everyone in my address book. 

Facebook has become a daily mode of communication for its millions of users around the world. I'm not knocking it as it's been a key tool for me to reconnect with long lost friends and family. I do not, however, understand the friend requests by people I've never met or people from high school that I neither called a friend nor ever even shared words with. And another thing... why add a person if you're never going to write them to say, "Hi, how are you?" Am I just another notch on your facebook bedpost? I get that we're all busy and we lead crazy, hectic lives. Maybe we don't have time to say hello or write an e-mail every week but do you not have a moment to comment on a friend's status update or type a quick "cute pic" under their photo? These people seem to have all the time in the world to play useless, time-wasting facebook games like Mafia Wars or send a Starbucks or boozemail, tend to a friend's virtual garden or hunt for Easter eggs. I wonder how many "friends" I'll lose after writing this blog.

By the way, if you talk to me on even a semi-regular basis then you know I'm not talking about you. No offense is intended here. I'm just trying to figure out why anyone would want to bother befriending someone just to have them in their friend list. 

Rules for technology in 2009 (in case you missed etiquette class in childhood) 

1. When someone calls you, return their call within a 48 hour period. At least acknowledge that the call came through with a text or e-mail. Same goes for an e-mail. Don't pretend you never received the call/email/text. It's just plain rude.

2. If you don't have a headset of some type, don't drive and talk on the phone. People can barely drive without the usual distractions. As for texting, it's not allowed while operating a motor vehicle.

3. When in a restaurant be courteous enough to keep the cell phone on silent or at least silence it when it starts to ring. Everyone doesn't need to know that you're so important because you're getting lots of phone calls. At the same time, unless it's urgent, don't answer it. And if you must, don't scream. There is this thing called sound that should be kept to a normal level. The person on the other end of the line can hear you just fine whether you're talking in your normal voice or yelling. I promise.

4. If you're shopping in the store and talking on the phone and you need to purchase something, put your call on hold or put the phone down so as not to be rude to the person assisting you. For the ladies: Same goes for trying on clothes in the fitting room. That little room is not soundproof so people can hear your entire conversation about that hot guy you locked eyes with across the bar last night.

5. If you must talk on the phone while in a public restroom, keep your voice down. There are other people in the bathroom that can hear your every word. Not to mention, I'm certain the person on the other end of the call can hear the piddle as it hits the water and the toilet flushing. P.S. Don't forget to wash your hands. Nobody wants to touch a dirty door handle after they've washed their owns hands.

6. If you are calling a different time zone keep that in mind when dialing the digits. It's not nice to call someone at odd ours of the night or early morning so be respectful. What's more annoying is when the person has dialed a wrong number at 6 am.

7. Before sending a text message think long and hard if it's really necessary. We are losing human contact out of laziness. It's so much easier to send a text and not have to spend the time or effort talking to someone. Unless it's something really minor, if you care then make the call.

8. When on a phone call, have the courtesy to focus on the person you are talking to and not type on the computer at the same time. Whomever you are speaking to can hear the clicking of the keys as you are typing away on something that is so obviously more important to you than your conversation.

9. If you write an e-mail/message use the spell check. Don't make it more difficult for the recipient of your message than it should be. He/She shouldn't have to guess at the message you are trying to relay. Sidebar: When sending message, double check to be certain you've copied the correct recipients. Nothing like receiving a note that was meant for someone else!

10. Recipients: To/CC/BC - If you decide it's important enough to pass along an e-mail, remove the recipient history so everyone and their brother's e-mail addresses aren't passed onto your entire address book. Along the same lines, instead of putting the e-mail addresses into the "To" section, blind copy them (you know, the "BC" line). This will also prevent viruses from spreading should someone's computer be attacked. Respect your friends and family's privacy by guarding their personal information.

Try to maintain etiquette when diving into technology. Now hurry up and respond to that message that's been waiting for you. The person who wrote it deserves it!

Ignacio Peña v. Don Omar: Round 1

In one corner, we have the Afro Puerto Rican reggaeton rapper Don Omar claiming the title of first Latin artist to release an iPhone application. In the other corner, is the ultra opinionated futurehead, Puerto Rican rocker Ignacio Peña defending his title. Funny that Omar can make claims on the title when he hasn't even released his app yet. Go ahead, open your iTunes and check. It's not there. Peña's was released two weeks ago for which I happily distributed the press release. (See previous blogs below)

Two weeks ago, when we were prepping the press release, I checked with several of my contacts at Apple, none of whom could name a Latin artist who'd yet to release an app. One person informed me that Omar had submitted one for approval, but apparently it hasn't been approved yet because it's nowhere to be found in the iTunes app store. Maybe it's not worthy of approval.

Yesterday I was told that Omar is being introduced to the concert stage in Puerto Rico as "the first Latin artist to release an iPhone application." What a joke! Is that really how you want to be presented to the world? How about, "Grammy nominated" or "platinum selling artist"? Or maybe "highest charting debut album"? But first iPhone app? Seriously people, get a grip. You should definitely be proud to be the first Latino to do anything in the music business considering it's such a tough market to penetrate but to claim the title of first app? Is this what we've come to? Besides, how can you present yourself as having done something you haven't even completed and steal the title from the artist deserving of it? That's a bold-face lie! Does he need the title that badly? Is it going to make or break his career?

Peña has struggled to make a name for himself in both the Latin and American markets, creating music which isn't "radio friendly" with his sometimes controversial lyrics and often heavy tones. His music charted in Radio & Records Magazine over a two year period, his song “Velocidad de escape”, a duet with Gustavo Laureano lead singer of La Secta All Star, one of the 15 most heard rock songs in the US as reported by the Latin Rock/Alternative charts of the magazine. Peña debuted at the South by Southwest music festival in Austin in 2005 where he won the first-ever iTunes Jukebox Jury competition. As a result, his album "Anormal" was featured in the iTunes music store where it jumped up the "Top Album" chart to #4. What more does he have to do in order to prove himself to radio, or even more, to the labels?

Omar's record label, Universal Musica, ironically Peña's first label, states in a press release posted on its website, "Later this month, Don Omar will launch the IDON application for iPhone and iPod Touch devices. In doing so he will become the first Latin artists to ever release this type of application and will open up a new level of interactivity with his millions of fans." So now the record label is misleading its consumers and claiming the title on his behalf? I'm not surprised. This is Universal we're talking about. I just have one question for Universal and Omar: "Where is this so-called first Latin artist iPhone app?" Funny, I still can't find it. Oh yeah, that's right. It's called the Ignacio Peña app. See for yourself. The proof is in the pudding.

Round 1: Ignacio Peña KO